I need a sister.

After waking her up to go potty at 1 in the morning....
Michela- Daddy, I want a sister.
Me- (totally thrown off) You do? Why?
Michela- Because, I love Leighton(our Niece)
Me- Why does that mean you need a sister?
Michela- Because Leighton doesn't live with us. I need a sister who lives with us.
Me- What happens if Mommy and Daddy have a baby and it is a boy?
Michela- I will love him too.


Special doesn't even begin to describe her greatness.

I don't know!

After being woken up by Michela at 7:05 in the morning I said...
Michela- Daddy, Wake up!
Me- Huh? What time is it?
Michela- I don't know! I don't read time!
Me- Oh, Fair enough.

I gotta dance!

Michela- Daddy, I think I need to dance.
Me- Go ahead, dance.
Michela- No, I mean I need to take dance lessons.
Me- You will soon, baby. Right now you are learning piano.
Michela- BUT DAD! I want to dance! I don't even play piano!
Me- Yes you do. You go every Friday.
Michela- I know, but I don't really play piano. I play the colors and the scales. But I can't play Sir Duke.                        Maybe I will when I grow up, but I can't yet. I can dance to Sir Duke though!
Me- That's true. As long as you work hard, you'll get it. (trying to sound encouraging and profound to a 3 year old)
Michela- (after a huge sigh)(under her breath) Ugh, I just wanna dance.

I Need My Own Husband

Me- Michela! I love you! (from the living room)
Michela- I know. I love you too! (from her bedroom, where she was playing with her dinosaurs)
Me- Good! I love you a ton!
Michela- I know. I don't.
Me- What? You don't love me a lot?
Michela- No. I can't.
Me- Why? ( at this point, I'm alarmed and slightly hurt)
Michela- Because I'm your daughter. I can't love you as much as Mommy. Mommy loves you a lot.
Me- You can still love me a lot.
Michela- No, I can't! I need my own husband!

Go to my FB page to see the video that caused all of this!

No I didn't! Yes you did!

Me- Holy Crap!
Michela- Dad! Don't say that word! It's a bad word!
Me- What is?
Michela- Crap.
Me- Who told you that? Was it Amanda?
Amanda- No it was not!
Michela- Yes it was! You told me when I went to visit your office.
Me- HA!

It Hurts Her!

Michela- (outside of HEB) Dad, why do people throw their trash on the ground?
Me- I'm not sure baby, but it isn' a very nice thing to do, is it?
Michela- No. They need to stop. We have to tell them, Dad!
Me- Well, tell them.
Michela- Lady!
Lady- Hello!
Michela- You have to stop throwing your trash on the ground!
Lady- Oh! I'm so sorry!
Michela- C'mon,  the trash can is right over there! You have to throw it in the trash can!
Lady- Oh geez, I'm sorry!
Michela- You're hurting mother earth(Fantasia 2000 reference)!
Lady- You're so cute...
Michela- So is Mother Earth. Stop hurting her.

Just like the Wildebeest.

While putting her to bed, she dropped this gem on me

Michela- Daddy, you have to listen to my mommy.
Me- What?
Michela- If she wants to go to dinner, you have to take her. You know why?
Me- Why?
Michela- Because she is the boss.
Me- Is she now?
Michela- Yes. It doesn't matter if you try to be the boss, you can't be. She always wins. Just like the Wildebeest.
Me- What do you mean?
Michela- She is the boss and you can try to fight her to be the boss just like the wildebeests do, but you will lose. So will I. She is the boss. Ok?
Me- Ok.
Michela- Good night!
Me- Danielle...

That doesn't make any sense.

Me- It's time for bed, little girlie.
Michela- Ok, but you have to give me some milk.
Me- We don't drink Milk at bedtime, Michela. Mommy and Daddy don't want you to go potty at night.
Michela- I won't go potty in my bed. I will wake up and tell you. Now can I have some milk, please?
Me- No, You can't. No milk at bedtime.
Michela- That doesn't make any sense, Daddy. It makes me happy to drink it, and I don't want to make the cows that make the milk sad, right?
Me- No, we don't want that.
Michela- Well, then you have to give me milk, otherwise I will cry and that will make the cows sad. See daddy, you HAVE to give me milk.
Me- I'm not giving you milk tonight. I love you, but you need to go to sleep now.
Michela- Ok, but you're making the cows sad, and that doesn't make any sense at all. Good night.
Me-( did I just lose an argument to a 3 year old?)

I can't!

Me- I love you, little girl!

Michela- I love you Daddy, but I can't trust you.

Me- ( at a loss for words) Wha...You can't trust me?

Michela- No. I just can't.

Me-(heart broken) Why not? I'm your dad!

Michela- You are my father! I can't trust you because you get in trouble.

Me- I do? When?

Michela- Um...I don't know, Father. But I love you...

With Amanda

(SHE"S JUST BARELY 3!)
Michela- Amanda, can I cut your hair?
Amanda- No! I like my hair long.
Michela- Don't be so dramatic. I'll be gentle.
Amanda- You can't cut my hair.
Michela- But I'll be gentle!

Daddy, Why do boys...

Michela- Daddy, why do you go potty standing up?
Me- (thinking this conversation is too early) Umm...Ask Mommy.
Michela- Why? You don't know?
Me- All boys go potty standing up.
Michela- Ok. ( walks away and then back in the bathroom) boys are not smart. If you go potty standing up, you could get pee on the floor.
Me- Does that mean Daddy isn't smart?
Michela- If you go potty standing up, you are not smart.

I am Special!

Me- Do you want to listen to Billy Joel?
Michela- YEAH!
Me- Do you like this song? It's called Piano Man.
Michela- I don't. I don't like that instrument.
Me- You don't? It's called a harmonica.
Michela- Can we listen to Honesty?
Me- I'm impressed by your knowledge of Billy Joel's catalogue( with my worst english accent)
Michela- Thanks. I'm special.

Didn't You Mean...

Me- Come on Michela, It's time to clean your room.
Michela- I can't hear you!
Me- It's time to clean your room.
Michela- Didn't you mean to say it's time to go outside and play?
Me- I don't think I did.
Michela-I think you did.
Me- I think I meant that it's time to clean your room.
Michela- Didn't you mean to say that it's time to go to the park?
Me- Go clean your room.
Michela- Ok Daddy.
Me- That was easy

I'm not your Mommy!

While at the barber...
Michela- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Hair Dresser- I'm cutting your daddy's hair, Mamas.
Michela- Hey, I'm not your mommy. I'm a little girl.
Hair Dresser- Oh! I know. Sorry baby!
Michela- I'm not a baby, I'm a little girl!

As we are leaving the Barber Shop...
Michela- Bye Bye!
Hair Dresser- Good bye sweetheart!
Michela- No! I'm  your Mommy. You have to call me Mommy.

My daddy used to be my mommy!

While walking through HEB with Clint...
Michela- My daddy used to be my mommy!
Clint- WHAT!
Me- No, No, No. Don't say that.
Michela- I can say that!
Michela- My daddy is a girl!
Me- (looking around at all of the stares)...Ugh..

There's a birdie in there!

Danielle- Michela, Come here and have a bite.
Mickey- What did you make?
Danielle- I made a hard boiled egg.
Mickey- (after staring at it for a few seconds) I can't.
Danielle- Why not? It's good.
Mickey- Because there's a birdie in there.

YOU LIE!

As we are leaving our apartment at 5 in the morning...
Me- Look how pretty the stars are, Michela.
Michela- Timon says that they are big fireflies!
Me- No, they aren't. What are they?
Michela- They are very big balls of gas, right?
Me- Good Job!
Michela- Did Timon lie?
Me- It's just a movie, Michela. He was Simba a story, that's all.
Michela- It's not just a movie! You lie!
Me- (it's 5 a.m....)

Toms

Me- Michela, can you go get your Toms please? It's time to go.
Michela- No, Daddy.
Me- Please? We need to leave.
Michela- No! I'm not a boy! I wear Sandals, not Toms!
Me- They are for girls. Mommy has some!
Michela- Then why to they call them Toms?
Me- Fair point.

High Five!

After being slapped in the face...
Me- Why Did you slap me in the face?
Michela- I didn't!
Me- Now you're lying. Of course You slapped me.
Michela- I am not lying. I didn't slap you.
Me- Michela!
Michela- I didn't! I gave your face a high five.
Me- ...

Waitress

Me- Michela, where are you clothes?
Michela- I took them off 'cause they are wet.
Me- Why are they wet?
Michela-I peed on the floor and they got wet.
Me-WHAT? Why did you pee on the flop?
Michela- I said 'I need to go potty!'
Me- I was outside walking ella!
Me- You cannot pee on the floor. You're a human, not a dog.
Michela- I'm not a human and I'm not a waitress.
Me-What?
Michela- I AM NOT A WAITRESS.
Me- No...No you're not...